So Tell me Now, How do you Really Feel?

So Tell me Now, How do you Really Feel?

Humans are really good at hiding their emotions. So often, when asked, “So how’s your day going?” the response would be, “Just fine, how’s yours?” when you really want to say, “Really crappy. I want to go home now.”

I feel as though most people aren’t hiding their emotions from others; they’re hiding emotionally from themselves. This seems to be a growing problem, and what is more disturbing is that it’s becoming the rule, rather than the exception. When did this lack of trusting oneself become a thing?

Self‑trust grows by repeating experiences where you make a decision, act on it, and the result confirms whether your inner compass was right or wrong.  When you’re really young, caregivers can help you learn that your feelings and your gut are valid. When caregivers (a babysitter, parent, grandparent, etc.) are unpredictable, dismissive, or critical, you may internalize those feelings and distrust yourself, believing something is wrong with you rather than understanding that the environment was shaky to begin with. This can lead you to override your instincts in order to keep a connection, which over time becomes a survival habit. Sad, right?

If we put pen to paper, this scenario, in one direction or another, most likely happened to all of us. No wonder we’re all so mistrusting!

Here is a snapshot of a few characteristics that became triggers for self-doubt:

1. Early relationships – Emotional neglect, criticism, or inconsistent care - all of which can make you mistrust your own feelings.
2. Trauma or betrayal – Feeling abandoned, being lied to, or disrespect of boundaries can make you feel unsafe.
3. Perfectionism and people‑pleasing – Tying your worth to performance or approval is a sure sign of mistrust. (This is one I suffer from).

I’m sure there are others, but these few make my point. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m shocked that more people don’t just fess up—admit they’re not perfect —and yes, this is truly how I feel. Now I’m not saying you go to your bank teller and respond, “I’ve had a crappy day, and this slow line is just adding to it.” However, when you look in the mirror and try to be happy when you’re not, all up in your own face about how perfect you are when, really, you know you screwed up at the most recent team meeting, you’re only fooling yourself.

Nobody’s perfect, and I will be the first to admit it. A LOT of people out there would love to confess their imperfections, but then their bubble might break, and that would mean they’re just like the rest of us.

From this spot, being normal and/or less than perfect is okay, freeing, really. I think if we all admit when we fell short of a goal or tell ourselves that a comment really didn’t hurt, we’d set new standards by not trying to sweep the shame, guilt, sadness, or whatever under the rug. Own it, be honest with yourself, and create a new goal. And who knows, you might just like the person you see in the mirror a little more. SMILE!!